Secret no more

As you will know if you read my blog much, I don’t keep things secret much.  Only when there’s a really good reason – or of course if its someone else’s secret that isn’t mine to tell.  Anyway there’s something I’ve not blogged about and for ages we didn’t tell anyone but now I’m fed up of trying to remember who I’ve told and not told.  Also, I’m past being upset by talking about it and I don’t see the point in keeping it to ourselves anymore.

So I’m gonna tell you and then its done.  I don’t need responses or replies, I just need to unleash the secret so its not weighing on my mind anymore and making me feel guilty I haven’t told people.  Especially my Twitter friends who have been so fab and wonderful over the past couple of years since I met them.

Its not a nice or happy secret, so if you’re reading in great intregue or excitement, please stop now.  Its just one of those things that happen and it happened to us and at the time we couldn’t tell folk.

Anyway here it is – I was actually pregnant 3 times. 

Some people asked why we were taking so long getting pregnant – well we weren’t, we just didn’t manage to hold onto the first 2.  We lost both little beans about the 7 or 8 week point so they had not yet become much more than the size of a bean.  The first time I think my body just didn’t know what to do, the second time I think I got pregnant far too fast after the first time (when I asked the doctor when we should start again after the first one his answer was “when you get home”). 

The second time it happened Bryan and I looked at each other and declared “third time lucky”.  We then enjoyed Christmas and New Year before trying again.  Owen is our third time lucky baby and the moment I saw him I knew everything before had happened for the perfect reason of bringing the wonder of him into our lives.  I will never forget those 2 little ones I never got to meet but I will also never regret that Owen was the one that stuck in there!

Anyway I won’t go into details of what happened and how and when and stuff.  If anyone wants to ask me about it I really don’t mind, miscarriage is a statistically common thing in the first 12 weeks which we had been warned about by a kind friend.  But that’s why I was so happy when I finally got to tell people!  It also explains the hidden bit behind this blog post.  We’d had about 26 weeks of pregnancy before we could tell anyone that we were 12 weeks pregnant.  And that’s part of why Owen will be an only child.  We can’t go through all that again, I’m just so glad I had Bryan beside me all the way through, he was amazing.  I’m so lucky to have him and Owen and I’ll never forget that.

So there you go, secret no more.

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